Workplace Well-Being:
Resolving Conflict in Community
(Adapted from “Challenged Academic Units,” Inside Higher Ed)
Maintaining good professional relationships is part of well-being for all university employees. Work associations need effective and proactive communication to thrive. So how can you achieve that goal when there are moments of misunderstanding, disagreement, or conflict as you go about your tasks? Of course, if the conflict is centered on a more serious issue, you should contact the appropriate office at Longwood. There’s a reference list provided below. But if the conflict is less serious, and you feel like you can begin to address it yourself, read on for how to step back, reflect, and then step forward again.
Step back. Sometimes a disagreement can catch us by surprise. Practice ways to buy yourself time to before you respond. Give yourself time to formulate a reaction that reflects your highest goals instead of the heat of the moment. Use phrases like:
- “I would like to think this over more, so that I can give you a thoughtful answer. Can I get back to you in [a specific amount of time]?”
- “I would like to give this issue further consideration. Do you have time tomorrow?”
- “I’d like to recheck and rethink what we're discussing and resume our conversation later.”
Reflect. Now that you have created space to plan a response, think through the conflict. You want to express yourself with facts and evidence, and in neutral language. As you plan, keep these tips in mind:
- Focus your language on conduct, not intentions or motives. Remove all emotionally laden words and replace them with more neutral, action-specific ones that describe and evaluate; for example, "We had differing perspectives on some points” vs. “You lied about all the facts.” Soften your introductory phrases to leave room for the possibility that you have misunderstood something:
- “Am I correct that, …?”
- "As I understand the situation… is that accurate?”
- Use “I” instead of “you” messages. It’s basic advice, but works to keep your colleague listening to you and conveys what is clear to you and what isn’t. Use expressions like “I’m confused/curious/concerned …,” "I'm hoping you can help me understand …,” or “I wonder …”
- If your conflict has high stakes, you might share your approach with a colleague whose judgment you trust—but only to double check that your crafted responses will have the impact you intend. Your colleague, of course, needs to be trusted to maintain your confidence.
Step forward. Make an appointment to re-engage in person if at all possible. Conflict resolution requires a rich form of communication; body language and vocal tone provide nuanced information. As you continue the conversation:
- Attribute a positive intent on the part of your colleague. Even you if suspect this is not the case, it will help you stay in a collegial, solution-focused frame of mind. As you speak, stay calm and stick to facts. Use your prepared “I” statements.
- Provide the intellectual and emotional space for the other person to express their ideas and solutions. Ask clarifying questions, and restate back to them what you understand. It is fine to acknowledge and restate back to them their point of view, even when you do not agree with it. Listening well will help repair the relationship, even if you disagree. You can say:
- “When you say X, can you help me understand what that means?”
- “Tell me more about X.”
- “Have I understood your concerns properly?”
- “I’d like to understand more about why …”
- “Maybe I’m confused. As I understood, you were going to do X and Y. Could you help me with where I’ve gone wrong?”
- Stay on the high road and be honest. Even if the other person responds rudely, maintain your professional demeanor. Communicate in a way that would make the other person want to continue to engage with you:
- "You are really invested in this, and you seem frustrated. Would it be better to take a break and come back to this later?”
- "Perhaps we should include a third person for this discussion?"
- I’m finding it difficult to have this conversation right now. I am frustrated and taking care to stay professional.
- Conclude with as much grace as possible, and remind your colleague of the shared experience:
- "This has been pretty intense. Are we on a better track now?"
- "Thank you for working with me on a hard topic. I appreciate your commitment and willingness to talk it out."
Stepping back, reflecting, and then moving forward again can help you begin to resolve workplace conflict. Modeling this behavior with your colleagues or in meetings is a powerful example for your officemates. Our academic colleagues are often with us for years: you want to do all you can to encourage a healthy work culture.
Resources
Longwood Human Resources: Reginald I. Marsh; Employee Relations, Title IX Deputy Coordinator at Longwood; (434) 395-2607 | marshri@longwood.edu. For more information, see https://solomon.longwood.edu/hr/employee-relations/.
Longwood Faculty Status and Grievances Committee. See Section IV. N. 14 in the FPPM for the procedures for a formal faculty complaint. Note that the kinds of conflict for the committee are limited to those that affect faculty status. They are listed in section N.13: https://solomon.longwood.edu/media/academic-affairs/solomon/FPPM.pdf
Virginia Equal Opportunity and Employment (EOE): Employee Dispute Resolution. The EOE offers a wide range of assistance, including learning what your conflict style is and how to improve it. See https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/employment-dispute-resolution
Campus Police. For immediate and serious on-campus threats to safety, call the Campus Police Office at (434) 395-2730. You can also call 395-2091 to speak to the dispatcher who handles calls for multiple jurisdictions in Farmville.
This column has been adapted from Gunsales, C. K., Nicholas C. Burbules, Robert A. Easter, and Jeremy D. Meuser. "Challenged Academic units." Inside Higher Ed, 25 Apr. 2018, https://www.insidehighered.com/advice/2018/04/25/advice-managing-departmental-conflicts-and-disputes-opinion